Every year around this time, I engage in a period of reflection surrounding what has happened during the year, what I've learned and the formation of ideas around what I want to go toward in the new year.

 

The last six years have marked the beginning of the end in my spiritual struggle. Before that, I was quite Christianized in my beliefs. I believed in good and evil, angels, demons and spirits. I believed in destiny, karma and all forms of divination. It was a time of magical thinking. A time of magical adventure. A time of Yesodic pleasure in the creative use of my imagination - only I didn't know that then for I had mistaken my imagination, as wonderful as it was, for reality.

 

Whenever I come to this point in thought, I am always reminded of the movie "The Matrix". I often ponder on the thought: Were they really better off knowing about the Matrix or being left alone in their comfortable world of creative imagination? In many ways, the people were better off in their ignorance. Then again, Neo's knowledge did bring him more power to act in the illusionary world. His knowledge of how the Matrix worked enabled him to use "Magick" (an act of Will) and accomplish much more than the rest of the people who were ignorant to the knowledge. On the other hand, his real world was ugly and rather dismal - not a great reality at all.

 

Then again, that was a movie and the "real" world is not ugly - it just isn't magical, not in the way New Age and Religion believe.

 

Oops, I'm getting ahead of myself here. Where was I ... oh ya, six years ago I joined a "magick society" called The Thelemic Golden Dawn. I had studied the works of the Golden Dawn for years and frankly I wanted to learn the rumored secret knowledge these mystery schools taught.

 

I chose the TGD because they had the "Thelemic" blend to their Golden Dawn teachings. Thelema comes from the teachings of Aleister Crowley, not the best role model in the world, but a pretty good one where magick is concerned. In fact, it was Crowley who made the distinction between magic with a "c" and magick with a "k". The distinction is between the illusionary and the real. Crowley's definition of Magick is "An act of Will".  I know, it seems so simple but trust me, it is anything but a simple concept - there is so much more to understanding this definition than just knowing what the words mean.

 

My time with the TGD was difficult. It was not what I expected. I had expected to become more involved in magic. I thought that I would learn how to contact the spirits, understand my destiny - become a more magical creature myself. Oh, I learned about magick alright ... I took the blue pill (was that the reality one?).  I stepped beyond the realm of Eden (my wonderful imaginary magical world) and found myself on a path of knowledge which led me into the Abyss of confusion. My world turned up side down.  This is not a venture for the weak of heart and spirit to take! Trust me - it was damn hard on my mind and sanity but a necessary step in my evolution. 

 

Around the same time I joined the TGD, I took my NLP training. This training would become the magickians tools necessary to survive the journey I was on. I still, to this day, strongly state that this NLP training was the best thing I ever did. My training with the TGD was also really beneficial in a similar way that boot camp is to a soldier.

 

One of the tasks I underwent in the TGD was a two year journey on the Qabalistic Tree of Life. The QToL has 22 paths, each path symbolizing a concept, a portion of your mind or personality. Each of the paths is also symbolically represented by one of the Tarot cards in the Major Arcana (very useful) as well as an astrological planet or sign and Hebrew letter. These symbols, as well as the Sephiroth the paths join, aid in helping the person to understand the meaning of the path. The idea is for the person to examine everything that occurs to him or her during that time on the path in accordance with that idea. So, for example, if you are on the 32nd path (Tarot card: The Universe) you examine everything that happens to you during your time with the idea of "reality" in you mind. "Is what I'm experiencing here real or imagined? How is my perception of this event different than someone else's." Anyway, that's the general idea.

 

This was a very beneficial exercise and also a very difficult one because you are also setting yourself up to be "tested" on these concepts. It's easy to get lost in the tangle of your mind and lose sight of where reality may be concerning a particular situation.

 

I came out the other end a very changed person - much stronger than when I began - much tougher and much more powerful. I say this without the ego attachment to power. One of the things you have to do to get through the paths in one piece is learn to recognize what is ego and to eliminate it because it is the one thing that stops a person from being able to handle power.

 

I went through all the grade of the TGD up to Adeptus Major. I quit shortly after I took my Adeptus Minor oath. In retrospect, once you hit Adeptus Minor - you are on your own anyway. Your education is beyond a group - you must continue your journey on your own. Well, that's what I think anyway.

 

Of my many changes, the biggest one has been my beliefs about spirituality. I do not believe in God. I do not believe in the devil. I have yet to see any convincing proof of the existence of spirits. I do not believe in divination or karma. I'm skeptical about any New Age idea. If something is real, it does not need faith to make it so - it should be able to be reproduced and it should be able to stand up to critical reasoning and scientific scrutiny. There should be some verifiable or convincing evidence beyond personal testimony. 

 

I use to think that people who didn't believe in magic were closed minded, and perhaps some of those people are. I've come to learn that scientists are the most open minded people I've come across. A scientist is willing to consider anything but refuses to believe everything.  Crowley once said, "Question Everything" and that is what a true scientist does. If something proves to be true, even if it changes everything science has stood for in the past, science is willing to rewrite itself and support the new evidence. I have yet to find a religion or New Age belief system that is willing to do the same.

 

I find this way of thinking quite freeing as I'm no longer required to accept as Penn & Teller would say "Bullshit". I am free from the bonds of societal restrictions, social values and morals - if I so choose. I live as a kind and civilized human because I choose to, not because karma or fear of sin dictates that I do.

 

I may not see angels or demons but I marvel at the beauty of nature and the personalities of the animals I encounter. I walk in nature like a blind person who has regained her eye sight - everything is beautiful, a lot of it is mysterious, not because of magic but because it's explanation is complex though understandable should I choose to inquire. I don't have to rely on bullshit to explain my world or my being here, I can go and find answers. I exist.

 

I am proud to say I don't have a spirit guide. I don't need one. I have a perfectly good mind which is capable of providing me with all the guidance I want or need. Though I do talk to myself constantly, sometimes out loud .... hmmm I could always tell someone I'm talking to my spirit guide - they'd probably think I was sane then. lol

 

My Raven is not a trapped wizard in a bird's body. She is pretty smart for a Raven and despite the number of questions I've asked her, she has yet to answer. I have a feeling if she did answer me, it would not be to impart any wisdom of the ages ... probably more like "Would you get out of my kitchen and get me something to shred while you're at it."

 

I don't need a pet psychic to tell me when any of my animals are unhappy, frustrated or sick. I find that if I pay attention to them, I can figure that out for myself easy enough. Our animals do communicate with us, my dog puts her head on my knee when she wants attention, drops the ball at my feet when she wants to play. Avatar (the Raven) also has ways of communcating what she wants. She pecks with force at the chair when she is frustrated, has an alarming cry when she is scared or upset and makes a pleasant clicking noise when she is content. She puts one of her feathers in her beak for security when she sleeps. Her injured wing droops more when it's sore.  See, all that is required is to pay attention - no psychic secrets here.  

 

I'm not concerned about who or what I may have been in a past life, if I even had a past life. I am not concerned about what becomes of me after death - I'll find that out soon enough anyway. If there is nothing after death, at least my life was spent in a way that was enjoyable.  I still have my imagination and can still go to my magical world - that is what fantasy and good books or movies are for. I don't have to believe it real to have fun with it.

 

Onward to next year....

Well there will not be much to report from the dog park as I'm avoiding the place. I've thought a lot about going back there and just can't bring myself to face the negative energy. People really need to calm down. Isn't that what the outdoors is suppose to do for people, make them relax and calm the heck down.

 

We've been walking at Glenmore park and Fish Creek park. It's been enjoyable to walk in those places and not have to worry about if there was another dog around the bend or if Chena would feel the need to discipline it.  There are people who do not respect the leash laws at these other parks but that is between them and the Park Rangers. This whole ordeal has sure made me more tolerant of other people doing whatever. 

 

It was beautiful at fish creek park today. We walked from Bebo Grove through the forest to Shannon Terrace. The weather was warm but not so warm as to melt the snow, so walking on the paths was easy even if some of them were snow covered. I didn't see any wild life, which is kind of odd. Maybe that area isn't that populated or the animals are really good at hiding.  I did see evidence of coyotes. Their poop resembles a dog's but is made up of lots of berries. Ya, berries - apparently they like them.

 

Okay, now I'm fishing for a story. LOL Time to go.

 

M.  

 

This morning I woke up to the sounds of unusual bird noise in my living room. Imagine my surprise when I see Avatar (the raven) on top of the Starling cage. EEK! 

 

Avatar usually stays in the kitchen - that's her turf, though lately she's been feeling braver and is venturing out into the living room. Normally she'll hop onto one chair (that I've covered) or onto the railing by the stairs but to jump onto the Starling cage - that's odd and not really welcome.

 

I'll have to find a way to deter her from doing this. Hmmmm to outsmart a raven. I need a cunning plan! So far, my plan is to sit at my desk with my squirt bottle and then squirt her when she goes near the starling cage. That'll work until I leave to go for my walk with Kachina. LOL. 

 

On the good side, it's taken Avatar 4 years to feel comfortable enough to explore the living room. She must be settling in. Did you know that Ravens are very cautious birds? Crows, on the other hand, are much more bold of a bird - magpies also.

So after my evening of deep introspection on the whole dog affair, here are my conclusions and plan. No, things are never as cut and dry or simple as they seem. There was a lot of inner conflict going on within me about the whole thing. There was my pride, supported by my thought of - I'm not going to let anyone bully me. And then there was the opposing thought of They have a right to be at the park and not have their dogs play with or be disciplined by Kachina.

 

There of course is the most important consideration and that is Kachina. It's important to protect Kachina from unstable dogs and their owners. One of those dogs could easily become aggressive and take it up another notch and injure Kachina. One of those owners could do something stupid and get bit by Kachina. One of those owners could do something stupid and injure Kachina.  The only way to protect Kachina is to have her under my control, on the leash, when there are other dogs around. That is the bottom line.  Unfortunately, Kachina doesn't get to be as free as she was before but then is a bit of freedom worth the risks? I can always take her out there after dark and let her run. Maybe I can arrange a play date with some of her doggie friends.

 

Next, there is the plan on how to deal with these foul mouthed women and that is to say: "I'll listen to you if you are willing to discuss this with me in a rational manner. If not, talk to the back of my head as I'm outta here."  Hey lady, talk to my ass as I walk away from you.

 

In the end, I can always fantasize about a big seagull pooping on their head or them tripping and going face first into the mud.

 

Hmmmm I guess I'm not ready to join the ranks of the ascended beings yet. Well, at least I've gotten past yelling at them and calling them psycho.  A small step in the right direction but a step nevertheless.

 

M.

This letter obviously doesn't apply to all dog owners. There are responsible dog owners out there who have their heads screwed on properly and are making good use of the brains they have.  This letter is to everyone else.

 

Dear Dog Owner,

 

I hate to break it to you but your dog is not a human. Your dog does not think s/he's a person, nor does your dog want to be a person.  Your dog is not capable of self actualization and therefore does not have desires to be a human, an astronaut or even a camel.

 

Although your dog does have emotions and is capable of thought - it is not to be mistaken for human emotions and thought. Dogs think differently than people. Most of a dog's thinking or "reasoning" is a conditioned response - an association made with an action and reward or punishment.

 

As many a dog behaviorist says, - It is a mistake to use human psychology on dogs.

 

If you use human psychology on your dog, you will misinterpret what your dog is doing and why. Your misunderstanding will lead to you doing the wrong thing at the wrong time and as a result, creating a dog with a problem. If you use human psychology on your dog, you will harm your dog psychologically.

 

Your dog is not your child. If you treat your dog like your child, you'll create an unstable animal who will be victimized by other dogs because of the psychological weakness that you created in the dog. Dogs are more likely to attack a mentally unbalanced (weak) dog. Dogs, unlike humans, do not discriminate against other dogs because of size. An aggressive Pomeranian will attack a great dane and vice versa. With dogs, size truly doesn't matter.  

 

Your dog should not be comforted when it is afraid. Remember, your dog is not a human and if you comfort your dog when it's upset or afraid, you will create a conditioned response.  In simpler terms, your affection is not comforting the dog, it is rewarding the fearful state.  So cut it out!  Avoid picking up your dog to avoid a confrontation with another dog. Trust me, it screws with the dogs head when you do this.

 

Your dog does not feel guilty ever because your dog does not have morals. Your dog may be conscious but does not have a conscience. So when you come home to your house turned upside down by Fido and he's cowing in the corner. It's not because he knows that he was bad, it is because he's picking up on your emotions or he's associated your coming home with him getting in trouble.  In other words, his cowering  is a conditioned response to your coming home and punishing him.  Master comes home = dog gets hurt. 

 

Dogs do not understand fluent English. They are capable of learning to associate certain words with certain actions. They do not understand your sentences but they will understand a few words that they are familiar with.

 

Finally, you should not expect your dog to be friendly and play with all other dogs. Dogs do have personalities and as such, not all personalities are harmonious.  Some dogs have poor social skills and ignore the subtle warnings given by another dog to back off. Rarely does a dog attack another dog unprovoked. We just don't see what transpired between the two dogs 30 seconds before the incident occurs.  It's not always the "attacking" dog that starts the fight.  The owners whose little dogs frequently get "attacked" should really get a clue and figure out what their dog is doing that is setting off the other dog.

 

A good rule of thumb is: If your dog is "attacked" once - it could be that the offending dog is dog aggressive. If your dog is attacked repeatedly by a variety of dogs - there is something wrong with your dog, not the attacking dogs.

 

Finally, if your dog has an altercation with another dog, what is the point in you getting all aggressive with the owner? You are much more likely to be successful in resolving the situation if you remain calm and have an attitude of working the problem out.  Attacking the other owner verbally is only going to create bad feelings and noncompliance. 

 

 

 

So, today, Jo and I went to the dog park where we met up with Harvey and his dog Samson.  Everything was going great. Kachina was playing with Samson and they were having a good time.  So Kachina is playing with Samson and this Jack Russel and the Jack Russel is practically hanging off Kachina's neck when the owner says, "Get your dog away from mine - she's vicious."  Huh?

 

Me: "What are you talking about, they are playing."

Nasty Owner: "She's a vicious dog. She's attacked other dogs. Look at the hair in her mouth." (She had a bit of Samson's tail in her mouth, from playing).

Me: "Um your dog is the one attacking my dog by the looks of it."

N.O: "That's what Jacks do."

Me: "Well, your dog is still the aggressor and my dog isn't attacking her."

 

I grab Kachina and the woman sputters on about how How Kachina attacked her dog and then I yelled at her.

 

Me: "I never yelled at you."

Owner: "I've seen your dog attack other dogs and you yelled at the owners."

 

Huh?

 

Me: Why are you being so mean?

 

She said something else and then Harvey steps in and says that she was totally wrong, that he walks with me all the time and Kachina is not doing the things she says. She picks up her dog and huffs off. Ya whatever.

 

Sigh. That pissed me off.  Kachina didn't even try to pin her dog. They actually were playing. I thought it was rather ironic (and now humorous) how her dog was snapping it's teeth and hanging off Kachina and she's telling me to get my dog away that she's vicious. 

 

So the Be-otch leaves and we continue walking. The other woman who was with her has two Jack  Russels on the leash and Kachina is running around near them but virtually ignoring them.

 

Then Kachina runs toward the pond. There was this kid at the pond and Kachina ran up (wanted to play or have affection) but the kid's body language told me the kid was frightened by her. I didn't know for sure but I called her and she came running to me. I had a treat out for her and then Bunny (the little white dog that normally plays with her) gets between Kachina and me.  I'm trying to tell Bunny to get lost as Kachina is getting aggravated. 

 

Damn, Kachina goes after Bunny. Crap! Crap! Crap!  The owner says, "I don't know why she (Kachina) went after Bunny. This has happened to Bunny now three other times (with three other dogs)."  I didn't feel like explaining so I just apologized and put Kachina on the leash.  Meanwhile guess who is behind us seeing all this?  The woman with the two Jack Russels. She pipes up and says, "Your dog is dominant aggressive and needs to be dealt with."

 

She said something else that was rather snarky and I said back to her, "That was really unfair of you to say." 

 

Then, suddenly she becomes reasonable - go figure - and she said that Kachina was beautiful and asked if she was young.  I told her she was a little over a year old.  I also told her that Kachina has never hurt another dog. She's never broken the skin and that we were working with her.  She seemed to simmer down and actually had a conversation with us.  I thanked her for being reasonable.  One enemy averted - half the park to go?

 

So what it is with these Jack Russel people?  I know Carrie belongs to some Jack Russel club and I'm quite sure she has spewed her bs about Kachina to others ... others who use this dog park perhaps?  That first lady was totally unreasonable and frankly the thought of punching her in the throat appeals to me.  <g> 

 

What's interesting is that with the first lady, her dog and Kachina did get into it when Kachina was around 5 months old or so. That lady told me that her dog had been attacked a few times before. Her dog was also young and really obnoxious and aggravated Kachina to the point that she pinned it.  At the time of the incident, the woman and I spoke and she was actually quite reasonable. There never was another incident after that and that she turned psycho on me today was really unfounded. She must have talked to Carrie.

 

And for the record, I yelled at Carrie not because our dogs got into a fight. I yelled at Carrie because of the way she was acting toward me.  Big difference.

 

Here's another fact: If Kachina was truly vicious, she'd have caused some damage to another dog by now.  Kachina, in fact, exhibits great self control and bite inhibition. That is the opposite of aggressive.  Yes, she is dominant. Yes, it is a problem that she feels the need to assert herself in that way to other dogs - but she is not vicious!

 

I was pretty upset about the whole thing mostly because the first lady caused a problem without a reason to. That the words of the first lady were also heard by others, who believed her.  I so hate unfairness. It makes me angry and want to retaliate - hence the desire to punch her in the throat.

 

So after playing oh about 105 scenarios in my head of what I would say or do the next time I see any of these nasty people, I decided to go with the sarcastic humor angle.

 

Here's my list of retorts: 

 

"You'd better watch it, she hasn't had a Jack in a week and is really jonesing for one." 

 

"She only goes after dogs who have unstable owners."

 

"OH OH my leash is slipping. Quick, run away."

 

"No worries, she only goes after dogs who have unstable owners. Ooooo maybe you should get that looked after."

 

"Damn, I knew I should have locked her in the other room when I did my black magic ritual with the Jack Russel. It must have gave her ideas."

 

"My dog is actually very self controlled as she has never bitten another dog. Me, on the other hand ... well, maybe you should leave now."

 

I'm sure I'll think of more. He hee humor is a great stress release! 

 

So, my plan is to not let Kachina off the leash if there are other dogs around. Although she's been really good, you never know when she's going to come across another unstable dog who starts a problem with her - that we'll get blamed for.

 

Here's something: It's funny how many people I've run into who have told me about how many times their dogs have been attacked at the park.  I would think that if your dog is constantly being attacked by other dogs ... don't you think that your dog is the one with the problem? What is your dog doing that is aggravating all these other dogs? Most of all, why would they continue to bring their dog to a place where it is repeatedly getting attacked? What are they, stupid or just sadistic?

 

Sure, Kachina and I own our responsibility in these things but I also know there is another side to the responsibility story and PEOPLE NEED TO LIGHTEN UP and it would help if they realized that their dogs are not people, they are dogs and dogs have a way of sorting things out without anyone actually getting hurt. It's the people who interfere and make things worse.

So far so good on Chena getting along with other dogs. I noticed that if other dogs crowd around me and she is close by she gets antsy.  What would Cesar say is the reason for this? Is she thinking she's alpha still and needs to protect me? Does she just get over-whelmed when there are too many dogs around her? I know she doesn't like to be "crowded in" by a bunch of dogs.  Ya, she'd do really good at a dog show. LOL

 

The other strange quirk about Kachina is her hyper-vigilance. She'll be sleeping and if something bumps her she jumps up barking. It startles the hell out of me because I never expect it. I know, it doesn't really sound like a problem but imagine being around a person who is watching TV with you and all of the sudden they jump up screaming and waving their arms. Sure, we can be careful not to bump her or move when she is sleeping but then she'll jump up and scare herself anyway.

 

Oh, last night she had a nightmare. I woke up to this god-awful dog yowl - cry. It was heart wrenching. I don't know what that was all about, poor dog. What does she have nightmares about - being put on the leash at the dog park? Ya, that could be yowl worthy for her. LOL

 

Ah fence fighting. I don't have a shock collar and I'm pretty sure that would cure her. Hmmm I'll have to think of something creative to put a stop to this behavior. I find it annoying and I'm sure the people who own the dogs on the other side also find it annoying.  Maybe my corrections haven't been severe enough? Maybe I need to make a bigger deal out of it.  Hmmmm??? I need to think about this for a while.

 

Well, speaking of the dog park. It's that time .... see ya later.

If I was to describe the expression on Kachina's face when she saw a cow, for the first time, yesterday it would be "big eyes"  OO  

 

She stood there and stared at the cows, probably trying to figure out whether she could play with them or dominate them. They were behind a chain link fence on the reservation side and so she didn't have an opportunity to find out. It was probably a good thing because those cows were big. They seemed bigger than your normal cow and one had pointy horns - that would be the boy cow. A true Bull-y.  har har 

 

No, it wasn't the bull that pinned Kachina. Actually it was this big lab or lab X.  Kachina went running up to it and I guess s/he didn't appreciate her "tone" so next thing you know, Kachina is on the bottom yelping and that owner was pulling her dog off. The owner didn't seem all that friendly. Perhaps she was stressed over her dog fighting with mine? Who knows, people react in strange ways. Maybe she thought it was Kachina's fault because she approached her dog? Regardless, no one got hurt and I have to admit, I was impressed that a dog gave it back to Kachina for a change, though I doubt that will change anything about her.

 

So far things have gone well with her at the park and there have been no incidents that the dog cops would be gunning for me for. Yay! 

 

Oh, I also found a way to get Kachina to stop pulling on the leash (besides the halti).  When ever she pulls ahead, I make the "shhhht" sound (like my hero Cesar) and then I tap on her bum or tug on the hair in front of her tail. She hates it BUT it does make her look at me and it does make her not pull ahead. She actually walks beside me ... until she forgets herself and goes ahead and then she gets it again ... but the times between having to correct her are diminishing.  I think we're on to something here.

 

I also hooked her up to the wagon the other day. She's a bit afraid of it but she did okay. I definitely need to make some modifications to the wagon as the method we have for pulling it presently sucks.  :)

 

M.

Had an excellent day at the park.  The first dog that Kachina ran into was this little Bichon named "Bunny". This little dog has such a good personality and is so well adjusted that her and Kachina play wonderfully. Bunny grew up around a big Golden Retriever and is not afraid of big dogs. She's a rockin little dog. Well, playing with her put Kachina in a great mood.

 

There were lots of big dogs out there today and Kachina played wonderfully with them. No fights.

 

Here's something interesting. There was this guy that had a fox terrier (or Jack Russell) and a lab cross. The Jack was a bit nippy and so Kachina got into it with the dog. The guy did nothing as I was running up. His attitude was - they'll work it out - and you know what, they did.  I got to see the scene played through. There was a lot of noise and then suddenly it was over and the dogs all got along with each other.  The guy said that his dog asks for it and it's good that it got put in its place. I wish all dog owners had this guy's attitude! It was perfect!  No dogs were harmed in the mêlée. I'm glad I got to see things played out.  I did not discipline Kachina either.

 

Samson, on the other hand, did better than yesterday but he still ran away from Harvey a few times.

 

Over all, a successful day at the dog park.  Yay!!

 

 

It was a fairly uneventful walk yesterday. We met up with Samson (one of Kachina's boyfriends) and his owner and walked together.

 

Samson was on the leash because he's been frightened by some noise that resembles gun shot coming from the reservation. Samson was rescued as a pup from a reservation. He was probably shot at and that is why he fears that noise.

 

Kachina was kind of bratty in that she kept trying to get Samson to play with her. She would tug on his tail or ear or try to jump on his back - which is all fine when the dogs are off-leash but a pain in the butt when they are on leash.  She was fighting her leash quite a bit - not a good sign.  I finally  had enough and put her on the Halti (she had a harness on before that) and that made her behave.

 

This grey dog came running up to us - growling all the way. "Oh Oh, there's trouble!" I thought and so I stood between him and Kachina and ha ha no fight.  I did witness two other dogs get into a scuffle. You see, it's not just Kachina. LOL

 

It was fairly cold out at the dog park. The wind was blowing and I wasn't dressed warm enough because it was suppose to be warmer out. At least the thermometer told me it was much nicer than the past few days we've had. Sometimes though, the weather at the dog park is slightly different than around the houses... open fields and such.

 

That's all for now ... we'll see what today brings.